A little personal...

Have you ever had someone betray you? Hurt your feelings? Break your trust? Who hasn't right.....well I've had it happen many times, but the one time that sticks out the most to me is when someone i cared deeply about decided to drop out of my wedding exactly 60 days before without as little a as a phone call, or an explanation....just a Facebook message telling me she hadn't been much help so she was just going to come and sit in the back. Really? Like I really asked her to be my bridesmaid so she could help me....ha. I guess asking her for help after she offered, was just to much pressure. So I decided not to respond, I was so upset I didn't want to say something to my friend that I would regret. I then deleted her from my life, literally off of Facebook, and everything else, I just didn't want to see her face. I know it may sound childish, but look at it coming from my side....I had 60 days before I was supposed to get married, and all I wanted was my closest most important friends by side, to support me and enjoy this time with me....nothing else, but instead she made it about her, that SHE wasn't able to fulfill the bridesmaids duties (not like there were any really) and SHE didn't want to stand up there...........Anyone who has EVER gotten married should understand the amount of stress I was put under at this time, and the embarrassment I had to undergo to find a fill in bridesmaid. Honestly though, that wasn't even the worst part...the part that HURT  me the most was loosing my friend,  being treated this way when I didn't deserve it. I must add, this isn't the first time she had blown me off....but I'd always cared about her and our friendship to much to allow the past times to affect it, but this....this was just to much.

My Wedding day was wonderful, but it hurts me to look through the pictures and see her off to the side....and not apart of my wedding party like I had always imagined. Now that is all said and done, because I don't want to reconcile our friendship due to the hurt, I am the bad guy. Not only is she my husbands cousin, but she is also dating his best friend Mitch, and they are expecting a baby. My husband is sure to let me know that I need to be the one to get over it, and move on. And I was even talking to her at one point and she has the nerve to say to me, so this is how its going to be forever, you being mad at me. Like she did nothing wrong, you know I don't even think she has ever apologized, and when anyone else confronted her about it she would only say that it was no big deal, I could easily replace her and that she wasn't needed. I guess....I just needed to get my feelings on this out there, so MAYBE I can let them go. I don't think her and I will ever be friends again, and its hard to explain how much she hurt me, but I do wish I could get past cringing every time I see her, especially since its almost Christmas.

....Everyone says forgive and forget, well I think forgetting is the hard part. In my heart, I've forgiven her, but I don't know if I will ever forget.....I honestly just wish my husband could understand.

Some of you may judge me after reading this, but that's not the point....The point is putting myself out there....and having somewhere to do it.

A little personal from my heart to yours. <3