Future...

Today I felt like my future was ripped out from underneath me. I went to a college today to see about their Medical Assisting program, and let me tell you the school was amazing, and the program was perfect. It was a perfect fit for me until I went to the financial aide office to see about a pell grant, and since I got married this year I had to include both of our incomes and even though we made LESS than 40,000$ I do not qualify for a grant. I know there are people out there with worse problems, trust me I know. But it scares me half to death to get a loan. I have been praying and praying and I just don't know what to do. I don't want to jump into this and screw up again. I jump into things and mess up, and I just don't want to do that here. I want to make something of myself, but I don't want to screw up by going into debt. I am just so conflicted. I honestly don't know what to do.

Life as we know it..

Sorry for the delay my blogging friends! I have been working a lot and have not had time to sit down on the computer!


I have been thinking about this the last couple days though....what if your life was portrayed in a movie? Would it be interesting? A drama? A romance? Have you done anything exciting that's worth being in a movie? Even though I am happy with my life I can't help but think that its boring. I feel like nothing exciting ever happens, and I guess that I am just not looking at it clearly. I find myself looking into Tv shows and books and wishing I could do what they do, but then again, I have my own little love story to tell with my husband. I don't know, it's just something that's been running through my mind and I needed to put it out there.


I have been re-reading one of my book series, and its the Uglies series by Scott Westerfeld and basically its a series of 4 books. It breaks down to talk about a city, a new city thats based in the future where everyone has an operation at 16 that makes them "pretty." Making everyone look a like, but the truth behind the operation is not only do they alter your body...they alter your mind as well. I can't help but think is what if we lived in a world like that.  Can you imagine looking like everyone else in the world? Everyone being perfect? I can see some advantages (SOME), like disease and obesity and things. (Because the city feeds you and keeps you healthy...basically controls you) but other than that, you would never know what it feels like to be different. you would loose ALL creativity, individuality....I can't even imagine it. Its like you loose your brain, the city thinks for you, takes over you, makes you who they want you to be. When you first look at the books its as if they are all about appearance, but it goes deeper then that. It makes me thankful for the freedom that we have today. I personally hate to be controlled, and I couldn't imagine living somewhere that controlled every aspect of our lives.

If you havn't read the series I defenitley suggest you do.




From my heart to yours....happy Sunday!

[instert title here]

Has anyone else noticed that the hardest time to write is when you WANT to write? I have enjoyed writing my blog so far, but I have to say after working ALL day today, I have zero inspiration. I will say that I was really looking forward to going on a motorcycle ride with my sweet hubby tomorrow, but unfortunately he is helping his uncle out. Looks like this will be a short post today, but from my heart to yours I'd like to leave you with a quote from my all time favorite series...
[yes I am a Harry Potter nerd]

 “Happiness can be found in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.” Albus Dumbledore.

Who are you?

I once heard, that its not about what you do in life, its about who you are. That statement couldn't be more true....When your life is over is it really going to matter if you were the most popular girl in school, or had the most friends? The people who matter, the ones who are by your side the most are going to remember you for who you were, the person who made them laugh, or who let them cry on your shoulder, your faith in God, you taste in music, the quirky faces you made when you were happy, sad or even mad.

So remember that the next time you get discouraged when something doesn't work out the way you want it to, or you don't accomplish everything you set your mind to...because honestly nothing is perfect, that's life and you being you, and trying to be all that YOU can be is what i comes down to in the end. I often struggle with this myself, because lets face it failing is hard! NOT fitting in is even harder sometimes, and even in adult life its something that happens.

You look at other peoples lives and think man they have it so easy! I wish I could get a job like theirs, or I want a husband like hers, or the worst...wishing you had the money someone else did. Reality is we have no idea what happens behind closed doors, even in our friends and families lives. Things are not always as they appear, and they are definitely not always black and white. I think that if we stop worrying so much about other people, and their happiness, maybe more of us would be happy. I don't know if it is human nature, or just who we've all turned into over the years, but we judge, and get judged whether we want to admit it or not. I am in no way saying I'm innocent here, but its something I struggle with daily. My guess is, a lot of other people struggle with is as well, even guys/men, (just probably not as much as us women). We probably judge more on looks than anything else, but I guess the only saying "first appearances are the most important" is probably true. Well I'll leave yall out in the blogging world to ponder on that....from my heart to yours, be happy <3

From the South

Being from the south is something we all take pride in, (that is if your from the south), but what makes  a true southerner? Sweet tea and cow boy boots? I think not, even though those are two wonderful things, a southerner is all about having manners, treating a lady right, listening to your mama, saying "bless your heart," and always saying grace. Being southern means having manners (and momma enforcing them!),having a big heart, helping out your neighbors,having faith in God, keeping a bible close and keeping up with your families traditions. I read something on a website one day that just really hit being southern on the nose "Southern means caring and paying attention to details and giving your guests your best-- materially, socially, and spiritually. Southern means taking time to smell the roses in concert with others." (source: http://www.greensborodailyphoto.com/2011/07/southern.html) I couldn't have said it better myself. Yes, down south we have an accent and most of us hunt and fish and wear out our jeans but being southern is a whole lot more than that. The south is where you come from, and its where I want to stay. Sweet tea is our water, NASCAR & college football are family gatherings, and family is always first. You haven't had hospitality until youve been in a southern home! We like our country music loud and our trucks big, and I personally like my man in wranglers. Yall and aint are apart of our vocabulary, and not because we don't speak properly, its just how we were raised.

From my heart to yours, my thoughts on being southern.

ladaisi: Etsy Giveaway

ladaisi: Etsy Giveaway: H A N D M A D E - H O L I D A Y  G I V E A W A Y     Prize : Set of three illustrated moleskinesque notebooks . Designs by yours t...

Babies

So I watch several shows, and my DVR is sometimes my best friend....but on to my point in Greys Anatomy this week Meredith & Derek are pregnant...and if you watch the show you know they have already adopted a little girl, Zola. I was reading an interview with Ellen Pompeo (who plays Meredith), and she was talking about what was coming next, and it looks like shes actually going to be able to carry this baby, well anyways I was just scrolling through the comments talking about how everyone is excited that they are finally having their baby, and a lot of people arguing back that they already have a baby and this is the second baby. Adoption and having a child are two different things for many different reasons. Most women who want to have a child want the pregnancy to, they want to know the feeling of carrying their child for 9 months and delivering it.The difference between them really all falls on the experience NOT the love for the child. An adopted child should be loved as much as a child that is not adopted! I am just trying to focus on the experience, but either way seeing your child for the first time is the most amazing thing in a persons life. I can not wait to experience it myself. I just think its crazy that even though you have an adopted child, people act as if you carrying a child is more important, when really it is not. Adoption is a miraculous, wonderful thing, the only thing you miss out on is carrying the child in your belly for 9 months, other than that you still can share the same bond and experiences. Well from my heart to yours, just a few thoughts rambling in my brain.
 

Friendship is another word for family

Meet one of my oldest friends. I have known her since middle school, and what hurts the most is when she was having trouble with her husband she didn't come to me. For the longest time, she was all I had....We told each other everything, with no judgement. We have always been close, what I want to know is what changed? She said that she wasn't talking to anyone about what was going on in her life....but maybe I didn't put myself out there for her to talk to me? A lot goes through my mind when I think of her, memories...good and bad, fights and arguments, late night sleep overs and lots of text messaging. I dedicate this post today mainly because I miss her...and partly because we are reconciling.  I guess that's what true friendship is all about, the hard times and the great times. Friendship takes two, and that's something I have learned over the years. Its not like in high school when you saw each other day, fighting one day making up the next, adult life is when you NEED your friends more then you needed them, its when adult problems arise and you need someone who can understand. Its not about how many friends you have, its about how many of them stand by you when you need them the most. Friendship is love, and a lot of friendships turn into family.

From my heart to yours, Happy Blogging.

A little personal...

Have you ever had someone betray you? Hurt your feelings? Break your trust? Who hasn't right.....well I've had it happen many times, but the one time that sticks out the most to me is when someone i cared deeply about decided to drop out of my wedding exactly 60 days before without as little a as a phone call, or an explanation....just a Facebook message telling me she hadn't been much help so she was just going to come and sit in the back. Really? Like I really asked her to be my bridesmaid so she could help me....ha. I guess asking her for help after she offered, was just to much pressure. So I decided not to respond, I was so upset I didn't want to say something to my friend that I would regret. I then deleted her from my life, literally off of Facebook, and everything else, I just didn't want to see her face. I know it may sound childish, but look at it coming from my side....I had 60 days before I was supposed to get married, and all I wanted was my closest most important friends by side, to support me and enjoy this time with me....nothing else, but instead she made it about her, that SHE wasn't able to fulfill the bridesmaids duties (not like there were any really) and SHE didn't want to stand up there...........Anyone who has EVER gotten married should understand the amount of stress I was put under at this time, and the embarrassment I had to undergo to find a fill in bridesmaid. Honestly though, that wasn't even the worst part...the part that HURT  me the most was loosing my friend,  being treated this way when I didn't deserve it. I must add, this isn't the first time she had blown me off....but I'd always cared about her and our friendship to much to allow the past times to affect it, but this....this was just to much.

My Wedding day was wonderful, but it hurts me to look through the pictures and see her off to the side....and not apart of my wedding party like I had always imagined. Now that is all said and done, because I don't want to reconcile our friendship due to the hurt, I am the bad guy. Not only is she my husbands cousin, but she is also dating his best friend Mitch, and they are expecting a baby. My husband is sure to let me know that I need to be the one to get over it, and move on. And I was even talking to her at one point and she has the nerve to say to me, so this is how its going to be forever, you being mad at me. Like she did nothing wrong, you know I don't even think she has ever apologized, and when anyone else confronted her about it she would only say that it was no big deal, I could easily replace her and that she wasn't needed. I guess....I just needed to get my feelings on this out there, so MAYBE I can let them go. I don't think her and I will ever be friends again, and its hard to explain how much she hurt me, but I do wish I could get past cringing every time I see her, especially since its almost Christmas.

....Everyone says forgive and forget, well I think forgetting is the hard part. In my heart, I've forgiven her, but I don't know if I will ever forget.....I honestly just wish my husband could understand.

Some of you may judge me after reading this, but that's not the point....The point is putting myself out there....and having somewhere to do it.

A little personal from my heart to yours. <3

Sometimes a quote just hits the spot..

So I know I said I was going to bed, but I wanted to finish watching 90210 and a quote from Erin Silver just struck me to the heart, especially about writing this blog and putting my heart out there for the world to read....so from my heart to yours...

"Tonight is the first night I let people know the truth, Teddy, I've never been fearless, I just found a way to pretend. I wanted to show you that; I mean sometimes you just gotta stop pretending and throw yourself out there, it may be scary but it can also turn out to be amazing."

Heartland...and reality

So I've been watching this show lately and its called Heartland, I immediatley fell in love with it on netflix, unfortunatley it's a Canadian based show and netflix only has season 1 through half of season 3 available to watch, but anyways on to my point. I am now on season 6, caught up with the current episodes waiting on next weeks and its like my fantasy land. It makes me wish I grew up around animals, especially horses. NOT that I am totally against where I grew up, I love my parents and they provided for me exceptionally, oh well, dreams can go into my adult life right? (ha when i win the lottery, then I'll have my dream ranch!)

Speaking of adult life, you know how when we were kids we all wanted to grow up, well growing up isn't all its cracked up to be. I love my husband and the life we are building together, but things were definitely easier living under my parents roof, (despite all the rules hehe). In a way I can't wait to start a family, raise our children and give them all my parents gave me, but in another way that scares me to death. Once you become a parent you are 100 % responsible for another persons life, there is no half ass doing it when it comes to parenting, your whole world changes. We also wont have the help of grandparents to babysit, so hello daycare! I've heard so many horror stories about daycare, but is it really that bad?  hmph, I have no idea. It's not like we really have to be thinking about this anytime soon but the thoughts do cross my mind.

So I have been writing a novel for the past year....which is a big step for me. I normally start something and never finish it, and I have about 2 and half chapters, over 12000 words. I am pretty proud of myself for getting this far, my goal is just to finish it. I started this blog to give me some downtime in between writing it. I haven't thought of a title for it yet, but I figured the more I write, the closer to a title I will get. The title is what draws people in, its what makes you want to pick up the book and find out more. It just seems to me, that is should be perfect. Anyone disagree? For those of you who don't know (that is if anyone is reading this) my book is about a girl who is 17, her name is Roxy. She was born to replace her sister who died, and her mother is doing everything into her power to turn her into the perfect daughter that died. Dance is a major factor in the whole book, and Roxy falls in love, and learns to follow her own heart, and stand up to her mom. Just to share the first paragraph, (but thats all I will share)....

 I was born to replace my sister. My name is Roxanne Hope Fields, but most people just call me Roxy. I was born on a fall October day almost seventeen years ago, in Greenville Alabama. I was born to re-create the daughter that died. This I am reminded of every day. The only problem is I am not the daughter my mother wants me to be.

Next...I am so tired of being a night owl. I want to transform myself into a morning person. I get NOTHING done being a night owl. I stay up all night unable to sleep, but then I sleep all day. Its frustrating. I guess its mainly my fault for getting so distracted with my book, or tv shows.....

.....The only one who can change YOU is yourself.
 
on that note, its 1:00 AM, so I'm going to try to drop the night owl title and head to bed.

From my heart to yours <3 goodnight